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Sabeth the Dreamslayer

[ website | Memory's Division ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Idiot x.x [22 Aug 2009|11:59pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Suffice to say that while i was not completely idiotic enough to actually get back with her, i did talk with her, and we did hang out, against all my better judgement. I must say i was conned, tho, and well. she asks me to come over, i say no, i don't think us hanging out would be good, texting is bad enough. she begs me, i refuse some more. Conversation turns to other things. at some point she calls me and i stupidly answer. we talk about this and that and laugh a little. and then she starts bawling about being stressed about moving and having to pack alone and how no one is ever there for her and she really needed me and whatever. thrown in was bits about how she had fucked everything up, it was all her fault, blah blah.

I break down and go over there. she was so happy x.x we pack and clean and talk a lot and actually not have sex.

God, why am i explaining this? it doesn't matter. what it comes down to is that she had started to convince me ever so slightly that maybe if i was cautious and slow that giving her one last chance wouldn't be too bad of an idea. lol. and tonight she tells me that she has another girlfriend, has had for awhile, and that she loves me and wants to be with me but just can't end it and doesn't want to lie anymore.

And there's the icing on the cake. everyone was right, there really was someone else. x.x;;; of all the horrible rotten things for her to do to me, why that? then again i dunno if i can really be upset about it. it depends on what awhile is, and i'm not sure i want to know. it would have been a days, but from the context i'm guessing at least a few weeks.

I'm going to throw up.

At least i can wash my hands of her now. cheating is the one most certain thing i can find no forgiveness for, and even if that's not exactly what happend, it's close enough and sure as hell feels the same that whatever.

fuck this bitch for doing this to me. fuck myself for letting her get away with so much of it.

three fucking days is all it took, wtf. she said she cried for three hours after she saw me at the mall on monday, that she was so upset that she had ruined everything. sigh.

well then, on to the next attempt with hopes that it might not turn out to be quite so much of a smoking burnt out wreck. which of course means that i have to manage to learn from my mistakes, whatever they happen to be with this one aside from utter stupidity.

God this is killing me. I'm still in love with her and the last three weeks have been such an insane fucked up ride and now i find this out and i really wish someone would just gut me to lessen the pain x.x

This is where you all get to say i told you so. and i deserve it, because i know i should have listened, but i hoped so badly that you all were wrong, dammit. why can't i just be proven wrong for once?

</3

2 wounds| hurt me

no one to catch you when you fall, only the bass to take control [18 Aug 2009|12:03am]
[ mood | sigh ]

in non-emo-relationship news, i have found a way to hook my decks up to my compy speakers. uberw00t. i actually beatmatched for five seconds early. gives me hope :D not bad for not really having touched the thing in over a year. i have all this time and i'm listening to this shit 24/7 practically, so why not, right? besides, i want to. so there.

ok, back to teh emo XD

i'm not going into over detail about the mall trip. i don't regret it, it wasn't overly upsetting, we did talk, and she said a lot. i listened, but agreed to nothing at this point.

I feel strangely dettatched. sometime late lastnight/this morning, somethig closed or opened ( can't tell which ) and i feel....not good exactly, but not bad. not drowning in argh and bleh and yuck. not talking to myself all the time, not angry, not sad. all there is is each second and it is wonderful nothingness.

whatever that means.

i'm going with it because i don't know what else to do. yay.

<3

hurt me

but the want is all you know . . . [16 Aug 2009|12:38am]
[ mood | argh! ]

we're meeting at the mall on monday morning to exchange stuff. i wanted to avoid having to see her but i had already agreed before i had thought it through of course. so now i have to deal with it. she says she'll buy me a coffee and we'll 'talk a little'. wtf. what do we have to talk about? at this point i don't entirely care why you did it. it's over, it's done, and it's rather unfixable. Blargh. x.x

At least my dad comes home tomorrow. thank god for company lol.

<3

3 wounds| hurt me

the second that time breaks . . . [14 Aug 2009|07:45pm]
[ mood | hrrrm. ]

she has texted me and said she missed me again. after our little convo the other night i was beginning to wonder if i'd hear from her again. the back and forth emotions and all lol. sigh. but she said she missed me and figured i'd forgotten about her already ( i asked if she knew me at all :P ), and then attempted small talk. really it was my fault cuz i was weak and said i missed her, but argh. I am too unbalanced for this atm. everytime i try to be productive i get distracted and emotional. so i just sit and pound my skull with hardstyle, which makes me happy. talk to people when i can. I'm pulling myself out of it bit by bit but her texting me has set me back ever slightly. Meh.

2 wounds| hurt me

speak of the devil [10 Aug 2009|06:19pm]
[ mood | dead ]

right after I posted, I get a text.

"I won't be coming back this time, obviously. So you can just do whatever with my stuff. Pawn the ring, I don't care. Do I have anything of yours you want?"

Well at least I know. But fuck, I hate my life. x.x

8 wounds| hurt me

So wrong, so fast [10 Aug 2009|05:50pm]
[ mood | broken ]

Of course it was shortlived, but dammit I was the happiest person ever for a minute there.

I think it's over. Granted, I thought it was over last time and a week later she was back and perfect and I got sucked in again. But from what she's said, I'm gathering that it's over. No chance of moving in, no engagement, no happily ever after that she was vividly describing to me just last week, her telling me I'm her soulmate.

Sigh.

Will i try to figure out how to stay here, or will i go to vegas? Or will i just stay here a little while? Shit I just want stabillity, seriously. I want to travel back in time to Denver when I felt like I had things going for me, work, friends, fun, a life.

I'm so stupid for believing that was she was saying was real. Why does she have to be so effing perfect? Aside from knowingly treating me atrociously and morphing into a cold hearted bitch in the blink of an eye, she really was lol. I know how that sounds, but seriously, how can anyone else ever compare to how fantastic she was in completeness?

Argh, I know I'll get over it and get through this. At least I've managed to stop crying, however momentarily. But still, it sucks, and I'm full of all this annoying regret and loss x.x

Lysh seems to think Jes will be coming back around in a few days like last time, but we'll see. Of course the fucked up part of me is hoping she will, but I don't want her to, not again, I'll get al into her again and buy it and end up here in another fuscking month. Not what I want to do. Loving her so much does not help at all.

I need to figure out where I'm going from here, and it's all just a mess. Dammit, i was so sure ten days ago exactly what was happening, and I was so excited that my life was actually finally going where I wanted it to and I wouldn't wait. Then she yanks the rug out from under me and I'm reeling, but still clinging to hope because she says she still loves me and wants to be with me, she just needs to wait to move in together. While that still left confusion, at least it was something. Now all I get is she had convinced herself too, there's extrenuating circumstances ( whatever the fuck that means ), and that some of it's not so nice.

Not nice? You call me an angel and tell me conistantly how perfect and sweet and good I am, how I take care of you and make you so happy, and you have not nice things to say about me?

Fuck this. Fuck people. Fuck my idiot self for trusting and having faith. Why am I an asshole magnet? I am not asking for much out of things, especially a relationship, but it seems so impossible. Am i really that old fashioned?

Classes start soon, but if I'm going to vegas how will I do finals, and if I stay here, I doubt I'll be living in the same district. I need to get registered and paid and all that, but it's all so wtf.

*bangs head on desk*

I need a break from life lol. No, I need to focus on something, I know that, especially something important like school, but there's a lot of things I want to do very badly and I'm pulled in all these directions.

I will figure this out, I just need a little time for my head to stop spinning.

</3

hurt me

Musings [31 May 2009|02:03am]
[ mood | enthralled ]

Things are still amazing, believe it or not. It still hasn't been terribly long, a little over two months we've been actually together now. I've spent a stretch of six days and a stretch of seven days at her house, and it was fantastical. We got along just fine, I got to help her out and clean and pack and stuff, we fell asleep together every night, I was there when she came home from work, we smoked and watched movies and went out randomly for food and other wanderings. And now she's moved into Josie's, which is cool I guess, but not at the same time. She'll be busier, and staying over will be slightly awkward, and I won't be able to stay for as long.

But it's still great. I love her omg. It just seems to get more intense the more time we spend together. Which makes me feel slightly more certain about this whole deal. Still terrifying in the back of my mind, but wtf I can't help it. Besides, I want it so bad. I said I wanted to be consumed by it, enraptured, enthralled. Our love is all of those things and growing.

I honestly think she means the things she says. About our future, the way she feels about me, how i'm beautiful and she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I think she's actually seriously in love with me the way i am with her, and it's absolutely the bestest thing ever. It's so much easier feeling confident about everything, having a little bit of certainty, yet holding back enough to not get complacent. That's my greatest fear, to settle into comfort with her only to have it tumble apart. Argh.

Not everything's perfect, of course. She's annoyed me once or twice, nothing major, but it was sort of nice cuz it helped solidify the fact that she is only human afterall. Tho i really think we can get along just fine in the long run. Maybe i'm projecting my desires, but it seems so possible.

Lots of things suddenly seem possible. I never thought in a million years I'd ever manage to get this lucky. And have it be working so freaking well. Shit, three months ago I was rattling around in my skull going crazy with lonliness and despair, sure beyond doubt that I would never be happy again. How could I? And yet here I am, with the best girlfriend enyone would ever ask for, generally happy as hell with life atm. Dude.

It is hard sometimes. Being apart from her is painful, 'specially since I'm all clingy and friendless. It's hard when she has things to do besides sit around and miss me like i do her. It's lkike i'm missing a limb lol. I feel her there next to me, but she's not and it sucks so freaking bad. And there's still three days before I get to see her again omg. I feel like I'm going to die, even though I know that's so freaking dumb. I can't regret spending all that time with her even though I feel like this cuz it was so great.

She's spectacular. And we're opening up to eachother even more. We have wonderful sex, on a regular basis. I've never been this satisfied, omg. She's so beautiful, I can stare at her for extended periods of time and not get bored, which we both do often enough. Rawr.

But yeah, babbling. So the, bed. <3

hurt me

Continuing [24 Apr 2009|12:05am]
[ mood | curious ]

Everything's still going well, aside from some fucking up in school, but that's all on me. So.

She loves me. I love her. Too soon, I know, and I'm hoping against hope that it doesn't fuck us. But it all feels so right. I don't want to lose her. Not perfect but so fucking close.

Here I am, saying i love yet another girl, given my heart into another fucking girl's hands, and this one makes me especially vulnerable. I am so open to her, i cannot resist it, from the first moment I spoke to her I couldn't hide myself much if at all from her. She could fuck me up so so easily.

Funny tho cuz she fears seemingly a lot of the same things from me as I do of her. What exactly does that mean? Are we absurd to worry? Should we just let go and ride this together? Should we worry extra? wtf i'm not experienced enough to handle this. Really, in the scheme of things I'm a n00b with girls and relationships especially. I'm looking for the one when I should be looking for something just long term without all the pressure and weight of being the "one".

But she feels like it. Everything I could have asked for in Her she possesses. Not perfectly as the Dream, of course not, but there are so many echos in the shadows of her eyes that make me tremble.

And here I hesitate, because now I'm bordering on that dangerous believing, the one that ruined whitney and i, that old phsychosis I've mostly outgrown but not enough to not worry. To hope for something much more than just the ordinary this time around, that this time it will be right, the feelings will not only take but stick and stay and linger and grow and mature until our hearts stop. That her eyes will always search for me, her heart beat faster at my touch, my kiss. That she can see beyond the hurt and the shards and maybe discover who I really am and embrace it with joy and love.

omg vomit. I need to stop, I'm getting all fuscked. very high atm, hard to type lol. I just feel so much and I'm doing a spectacular job at sort of keeping myself slightly distanced from it. Until times like now where I stop and actually think about it and then it's all there, all the feelings, so intensely. How can she have conjured this much out of me so quickly? I was going to try to be sensible, dammit, and now I'm planning on taking off and crashing at her house for six days to be around her as much as possible. I want to say fuck sensability, why can't we move in together? To fall asleep with her every night, to wake up with her every morning, to be there when she comes home from work . . . sigh. There I go again. Oh well.

There's much more to living with someone than all that, though. I've no idea if we'd actually get along in the long run. So far it seems like it, and if I do crash there for that long, it'll prove it that much more I guess. Argh.

Bbiab, she's gonna call me. <3

Haha, so i return to this the next day, again somewhat high ( such is my life ), reading what i wrote last night. Writing while high is revealing like that i guess, it's all just usually so true. Stupid emotional me; i can only hope that I don't eventually regret all this feeling, that i don't come back here months later and read all this and cry because i'm proved a fucking idiot fool again. I know she's just another girl, as much as I'd like her to be so much more, but fuck, why can't she? she feels so special and right and different than anyone else ever has. I just want to be happy, and make her happy, and all that lam3z0r stuff.

I miss her. I can't wait to see her tomorrow. And spend the weekend with her, and stay at her house and be there when she comes home and hold her tight every night on that tiny little mattress. The sore back is worth it :)

Anyway, I should wrap this up. Math and stuff to do so I can go worry-free. <3

hurt me

We're in slow motion when you smile for me [23 Mar 2009|06:04pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

It's been bugging me that the last post on here is on blah and yuck. So I figured since things are going rather well, I'd post a little yay :D

Taking full time online classes ( in business, oddly enough XD ), which are going pretty good. I got a little behind the last two weeks, but I'm getting caught up and it'll be ok. I'm maintaining decent grades in all of them as far as I know atm, all a's and b's still. I'm not happy about it, but wtf, I have to do something with myself. Besides, when I get my degree it will at least shut some people up. Who knows, maybe I can start my own production company like the ones in Denver, the scene here seems so lame. Or I'll start an apartment / condo empire.

Right.

My dad and I are still getting along. We've only been in one fight and it was over pretty quick so. He's actually proud of me, which is a nice sort of change I guess. Not used to people saying that. But hey, I'm proud of myself. *shrug*

I met zomeone o.O; Like, totally out of the blue. Well, not exactly, but it was unexpected. I posted a random ad on craig's list of all places, and bamf, here comes this amazing girl. I mean, i expected to get a few responses, and that one or two would last for a few emails then peter out like they usually do. No, this time there was emailing, then texting, then actually meeting omg. It's been going well. We have so much in common it's almost really freaking odd, and yet we're different in enough ways that we find eachother interesting. I dunno, it's weird. But she's great and sweet and totally has the potential to steal my heart. Luckily I'm doing my best to be sensible about this and not go completely crazy like I have in the past. It's working so far. It helps that I have more walls than I used to. And I don't trust people, or situations that seem so great but actually aren't. It can be difficult tho cuz she's really good at saying and doing certain things that I have no defense against ^_^;;

But yeah, so. Good news is nice :D I'm . . . not depressed omg. Meeting people helps. She seems to have a decent amount of friends so maybe some of them will be cool too. Even school, as frustrating as it can be, is helping, because I /can/ do it afterall, at least when I put my mind to it and make myself work. It is hard to get motivated, but yeah, I'm managing. Woohoo.

And omg I turn 23 next week. I'm so fuscking old X.x;

<3

4 wounds| hurt me

Trouble :P [22 Mar 2009|02:47am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Or is it? How can I even tell at this point? My instincts with this sort of thing are dulled and pretty much nonexistent. I know she likes me, can't really deny that at all. I mean, I could try and prolly figure out lame explanations, but really, she said she liked me, so. I could totally fall for this girl. She has everything going for her, lol like that's a good thing. Being loved by me is like contracting a disease x.x; I should have known this would happen. Not that anything's happening yet, but if things keep going the way they are, something will. She'll look at me all of the sudden and I'll be fucking floored. I'm already entranced by her eyes, her smile, the way she looks at me. And she's doing all the right things, all the stuff I have no good defense against. Silly cute texts giving voice to things I'm too scared to say yet. I meant wtf, ok so we spent practically a whole day together, but I shouldn't feel like this. I was doing ok until I talked to her on the phone. Then she had to go and say she missed me. Meep.

I don't want to get too far ahead of myself with this. That's what has caused so many of my former problems. Too much, too soon, and not reciprocated. I'm really conflicted about it. Part of me is like omg yes, this is what I've been wanting for so long, and to find someone so awesome and so seeemingly worthy of meaningful emotion is hard to resist. The other part of me is terrified. Like wtf am I doing, setting myself up for heartbreak again? I mean, I'm not there yet of course. I'd be upset if she for whatever reason decided we shouldn't see eachother anymore, but I'd get over it, it wouldn't tear me apart too badly in the heart department, moreso in the damn I must suck department. But I could get to that point, faster than I anticipated.

This is my problem. I want it, I don't want it, it's too soon to feel like this. I don't want to end up like me and bitch. I couldn't handle that again, and I don't think it's possible for me to love someone like that again, but the risk is rather high. The way this is going so far, even just like the events or whatever, like the way things are happening, reminds me a lot of bitch. The hand holding during the movie, fumbling, giggling, nudity, weed, and sweet sweet kisses. It was weird, but not so much that it was upsetting. It just makes me a little apprehensive, because I remember the way i felt when that started, sort of like I feel now. This is going slower than all that at least. It's not this crazy straight down plunge into insanity. At least not yet.

But I want this girl to fall for me. I want her to love me so bad. Because then I can love her and it will all be good. It's exciting, it's too good to be true. Next thing you know I'll be writing freaking poems, gods help us all. Strangely, she seems to be one who might actually really appreciate that sort of thing though. Omg, way too soon to be thinking about this stuff ><;;

Argh, anyway, bedz0r.

hurt me

Ha! And I was worried, wtf . . . :D [21 Mar 2009|05:51pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

hurt me

wtf idk [20 Mar 2009|02:26am]
[ mood | distressed ]

I want this to work out so badly omfg. And at the same time I can't help being apprehensive; it's almost too good to be true. Just when i was breaking down, just when I thought I was going to crack and I threw one last small bit out there, here she comes. she wants to roll, she smokes weed, she likes hardstyle, she's hot, we have so much in common it's almost scary, and I've gotten a bit of an impression that she likes me, although I can't help but doubt that either. It's too fucking perfect, isn't it? that the exact thing i've been hoping and praying for just happens to turn up from a random and unplanned post on craig's list? and now she's going to be here tomorrow, the second time i'll have seen here, and the first time went well, i might even go so far as to say great. and then we texted damn near constantly and even talked for hours, almost all night last night. and she said she was excited to see me. but i can't make good conversation. maybe it was just because she was irritated tonight. I'm an idiot, and it's going to fuck this up. I want this to work out so bad, dammit. so close x.x;; i can't lose it now, wtf was the point of giving me four freaking days of hope? I know i have to be stressing over this way too much, in the back of my mind i'm hoping that tomorrow is awesome and we have fun and talk and everything else and that all my fear is disproved and I can feel that glow again. but i have to be logical, prepared for the almost certain rejection, because if i can't dig myself out from whereever i'm hiding enough to interact tomorrow, i'm going to be screwed. she has to be getting bored with me now. i'm clinging to the hope that I made a good enough first impression on saturday that she's letting my poor phone skills slide. lol i have no idea. I just want to sleep and hope hope hope that everthing goes well. Argh o.O;

<3

hurt me

The City Looks so Pretty, Do You Wanna Burn it With Me? [12 Oct 2008|10:27am]
[ mood | sad ]

Things are . . . well. I'm taking a class ( I'd be taking more if I wouldn't have decided this at the last minute lol ), I have money, new glasses, a pretty cushy life atm.

So why do I still feel like this? I miss Denver. I'm lonely. My dad keeps hasseling me about what I want to do with my life, and I have to keep anserind him that I don't know. Which is true. I don't. I just wish he'd shut up about it for a little while because thinking and thinking about how I have absolutely no clue doesn't help. Especially since he keeps pushing me to take business classes, get a "career". I unerstand where he's coming from, but I'm not going to spend money and effort to attain something that will only make me more miserable. I don't want a career, I'll suffocate.

I want to make friends, but how am I supposed to do that when I'm stuck in the house 99.9% of the time? I've tried craigslist, message boards, all sorts of things. I suck -_- I'd feel lots better about things if I had /someone/ to hang out with.

I'm not regretting moving here, exactly. Things are going a million times better than they have in ages and ages. That should be enough for me, I think. But it's not, and I don't know what to do about it. This is exactly what I was worried about when I was trying to decide to move or not.

God, can't I just grow up? Why does stupid shit like this still have such a profound effect on me? Five years and I'm still an emoangsty wreck.

Sigh.

Class is good for me, though. It's got me drawing again, at least, yay. I've rawn more in the past month than I have in the last two years. It feels good to be creative again, even if it's somewhat forced. I still have it, though, or at least the small smudge of proficiency that I managed to attain at one point. It helps that I'm, for once, drawing things besides elves. I'm even getting into color a little bit ( watercolor pencils are kinda nifty ). Sadly, the class is almost over, and come January, I'm going to have to figure something out. x.x

I haven't written squat. The last thing I think was from May, and it's not even that good. I've thought about it now and again, but the words don't come anymore. I'm all tangled up inside. I think I want it too badly.

There's really no point to this. I just feel safer whining on here, because that's what it mostly is anyway. I always resort to this stupid thing when I'm feeling particularly . . . something. Blargh, I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. I can't tell if i'm depressed or going crazy or if it's something else entirely.

There are good points. Besides the non-money-stressing. I get to hang out with some of my family later ( actually, it's a party for my cousin lauren who's getting married next month ). We're going to go see Tina & Tony's Wedding. I've heard it's good. At least I'll be getting out of the house for more than an hour or so.

It's not that I don't do anything, either. My dad takes me to do stuff sometimes. I got to go to a bears game, I hung out downtown by myself for two days, I'm going to the AC/DC concert on the 30th, he's trying to get tickets to a hawks game. It's moreso the fact that he's the only person I ever hang out with. Don't get me wrong, my dad is awesome, especially for being my dad. But there's a million things I want to do and places I want to go, mostly stuff he's not interested in. This city is so cool, and it drives me nuts to sit here an know all this crap is going on and I'm fucking stuck.

Anyway, I'll shut up now. I'm just fuscked in the head, pay me no mind.

2 wounds| hurt me

Distance is Darkness [09 Aug 2008|11:04pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

I was bored and surfing the net, randomly came accross my old livejournal. Crazy how something that once meant so much to you can become so distant until something brings it up. It also somewhat unnerves me that I haven't deleted this trash off the 'net yet. Why I'm posting on it, I really don't get.

Old time's sake, maybe.

Good news, though. My life might actually be going in a goodish direction for the first time in years. I moved from Denver last month and I'm living in Chicago with my dad, now. Getting my shit together. Ish, at least. Might even take some classes at the art institute. Creepy. I haven't spoken to my mom in about a month, either. She's off in Nebraska doing her thing, whatever that might be.

So, yeah. Pretty much just trying to pick up the pieces and not be so much of a pothead anymore. Fuck pot, I want to roll. :D Not sure where anything will go yet, but I think for now I'm going to focus on the fact that there's progress, not stress too much about the future right now. What would be the point?

Still alive. Still fucked up. I think a little more grown-up and not as emo bullshitty. At least not so much to the point where it will show. I have gotten better with that. Then again, there's not really anyone in my life to instigate those sorts of things, and honestly, it's kinda nice. Lonely, but nice. Hrm.

Rawr. Out of things to say. I'll just leave it at that, for now.

<3

4 wounds| hurt me

If I can just hold on to this . . . [12 Dec 2006|06:50am]
Ok, prepare for inane babble and a pinch of emo, just for spice.

Woah. Ok, so I got bored and revamped my alt.com profile for no particular reason other than the fact that it randomly hit me that I should. For something. So I did. And in between the creepy old men who message me, I've actually started talking to a few people. It's amusing. And yet . . . . ech.

And! I have met a girl I think I could really like o.O;;; I met her on True.com right after I moved here, and we've been emailing for a while. Finally she called me yesterday, and omg. I haven't laughed like that in ages. I haven't felt that giggly dizzy tight kinda sick feeling of "omg this chick rocks" attractiveness thing in over a year. !!! I'm confused and interested and very . . . yeah. I just thought I would note that. Woot! I might have someone to spend new year's with! Maybe. Or maybe not. I dun wanna get all oooooh ahhh over her just yet. I just can't wait 'til she gets out of finals tomorrow :D :D :D

Ok, I'm shutting up now. I ranted on here just because the window was open. Yep. Nighty.

<3
1 wound| hurt me

Something more than sleeping [09 Dec 2006|06:31am]
[ mood | Not too bad, yay! ]

Woah. Life is still unexciting. I figure it's been awhile since I've thrown any news on here, so yay, let's begin.

Job is still going well enough, yay Target! I've passed my 90 days, and they still like me, so I'm hoping they'll let me stick aorund for awhile. really, the job is not that bad. I can't even imagine how I worked at DC now, lol. I just can't. This job is entirely too cushy. I love it. And I lose weight working, too! Ha. Running my ass all over the store. Poor Christie just thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. I love it :D


House is getting there. I still need to unpack my books, meh. And I've really gotta get some pics of it with the lights up and everything to put on here, it looks so nice.

Mom finally started working, which is good. Now i'm not the only flippin source of income. *gasp* I can start saving money again, woot!

Yep. Bored. Should go to bed, need to be at work at four, i thinks. Nighty!

<3

hurt me

Intelligent Girls are More Depressed [30 Sep 2006|03:06am]
[ mood | Just a tiny bit lonely ]

No, I haven't completely abandoned this thing, I promise. I've just been doing most of my blogging on my MySpace, so sorry about that. I really did mean to either update this too or copy/paste the entries so they're both on here. Not that anybody reads this any more, but that's entirely not the point.

I'm not gonna go on and write a whole catch-up thing; if you want to know, click the link. As I said, no one reads any more, so I'm not gonna waste the effort :D

But I will try and keep up with this now.

One thing I will say: I am in Denver now, so yay for me o.O;;

Loves

2 wounds| hurt me

I just wanted you to feel something [25 Apr 2006|04:42pm]
[ mood | Sleepyishlike ]

The moving-to-Denver thing is on again, and I'm still up for it. There's a good deal of drama-bullshit that occured between mom & joe about two or three weeks ago, and they're finally, after ten years, splitting up. Honestly, I think it's better this way for the both of them, but I also think there are a few things that could (have been done) be done differently, but it's not exactly my business or life, so. It sucks a lot 'cause it's like my parents are getting a divorce again, and as much as they both claim they're not, they're putting me in the middle of it and trying to make me pick sides, which I'm not doing. Har.

So mom asked me if I still wanted to go to Denver with her, which she'll prolly be doing in June or July, and I said yes, of course, it's a big city and a ticket out of Quincy all in one. I'm down with that. Plus, there's family up there and all sorts of nice stuff.

I'll be updating on this situation as it goes along. Yay.

Other than that, life is pretty much the same. Alicia has stopped by once or twice. I think she's finally getting it that we won't ever be friends or anything again, but we've come to this sort of truce-like thing where we'll still talk now and again. She's actually agreeing we shouldn't be friends, which is refreshing. I just wish she wouldn't go about whimpering how she wants to hold me every time she sees me or whatever. I could do without that. Certainly doesn't help the awkwardness. Whatever.

I've started talking to Bobb again, too. I've been to his house a few times in the last week, and will prolly be there this weekend. It's cool, I guess. I missed him. We sort of just fell back into the way things have always been between us, and it was nice. At least the bastard has interent. Gods, if I had internet at home, I think I'd be a lot more entertained. Granted, I'm sure I'd get a lot less done around-the-house-wise, but that's entirely not the point :D

Rawr. Work's boring, as usual. Nothing bad, as of yet, besides for a few setbacks on the jobs we've been working on. As I said the other day, I'm looking forward to the overtime. Money is my friend ATM.

Anyway. That's about it. I'll post again in a day or two. Gonna go register at Monster and catch up on MT.

<3~!

hurt me

When did you give up and grow so sad? [23 Apr 2006|05:07pm]
[ mood | nipply ]

Not too terribly much to update on. I'm getting things paid for still, which is good. Mom's trying to talk me into moving to Dener with her and I'm not sure if I will or not. Working still, should be getting some overtime here soonish, which will be nice. I need to replenish my surplus of money :D

I bought some girly clothes o.O They actually look pretty good. I needed going out clothes, seeing as that all I've got are cheap ass jeans and ratty t-shirts. So now I can look presentable. Har.

Anyway, gotta go do laundry and stuffs. Thought I'd say hi. Blargh.

<3

hurt me

I got out, and it was grand. [09 Apr 2006|08:37pm]
[ mood | Actually goodish! Woo! ]

So I went to the local concert at the Blue onion last night. It was well worth it indeed :D I wore my new boots and got lots of compliments on them, and I danced my ass off. Zomg, Femme Fatality was so bloody great. I mean, I thought they were going to be cool, but this just sinched it. They were fun and bouncy and all over the place. I was rubbed, groped, pushed, sung to, and generally molested by these two very hot guys. I loved it :D Bought their CD and had them sign it, of course. Speed Holes rocked, as well, and ODMC fucked me up (in a good way. I really wish I would have known about them far sooner. Sigh). Endsmet was great until Jared's bass drum broke, so that sucked.

But, yes! I got out of the house and had fun! I haven't done that in a while, and it was good indeed. ^_^

Got to hang out with Katie and stuff, too. It was pretty good. There was a little tension and annoyance, but overall, wasn't bad.

So, yay, back to work tomorrow. More money, woo!

I've gotta get going. I need to stop by Wal*Mart and get a fryer so I can make those damn chicken strips. Toodles.

<3~!

hurt me

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